not ready yet

Sometimes I am just sad. Lately I've been overwhelmed with sad and frustration. Haiti was extremely heart breaking for me. It was many, many other things, that were incredible and amazing, but right now I don't feel all those other things. Right now I feel like my heart hurts a lot and it's kind of hard to breathe all the time. I'm finding it hard to talk about, and think about and I'm not sure how to bring myself back towards the experience. The night before we came back home, during our nightly review of the day and our time to talk with each other about things that were important to us that day, I asked the group how they had learned how to live with their experiences in Haiti. I wanted to know how they had found a way to process the trip, and how they dealt with all that they had seen. I got very heartfelt responses, that for the most part boiled down to this: Talk about it. Tell people about it. Tell them what you saw and how it felt. Look at your pictures, remember the good that we did and not just the horrible things that you saw. Share your experiences, and live in it. Don't let it just be a passive experience, let the changes that you underwent be okay. My co-travelers are incredible people, and I really value their opinions. I know what I am supposed to do, but for some reason I am allowing myself to be busy in the other things in my life. I'm occupying my time with studying and working and thinking about my other obligations instead of giving myself time to absorb everything. I haven't even looked at any of my pictures yet because the thought of doing that kind of scares me. But I will. And I know they will be there when I am ready to see them. I guess I just wanted to say that I'm not ready yet, but I will be soon.