hello osce my old friend

So, rotation 6 is closed and in the books!  Feeling good!  Julia texted me yesterday and said "at 2:00, we will be exactly 100 days from graduation".  Massive mixed emotions about that one, but if I look closely enough, I thiiink the predominate one is excitement!

But of course, it's not quite a slide to finish just yet.  I am done with my shifts in the ER, but rotation 7 doesn't start until the 17th.  Next week we are all back on campus for lectures and exams and capstone presentations on our final papers of grad school.  It's going to be a jam packed week, and bright and early Monday morn, at the helm of it all, is my final OSCE.  Shudder.  OSCE's are always a mixed bag for me. And by mixed, I mean 99% anxiety-induced-sweaty-terror and 1% adrenaline.  I don't know what it is, I can go in to see a patient in real life without the faintest clue of their chief complaint, and it barely makes me break a sweat.  However, the thought of my professors watching me and videotaping me and scrutinizing my every word and movement, makes me want to crawl into a tiny hole and go to sleep forever.  No matter how many times I tell myself that I am being ridiculous, and am way over thinking the entire thing, my brain still just seizes up and refuses to work properly.  Case in point, at my last one I literally cried in front of the patient, and then my professor, and then the patient again.  Not my finest moment, certainly not my favorite moment to relive via mandatory video watching with reflective paper writing, and even not my favorite moment to admit to.  Yiikes.  Pull it together PA Walsh!

So, LUCKILY that won't happen this time, right?  If I have to sit in contemplative awkward silence for ten minutes with everyone staring at me while I gather my thoughts, so help me god, the words that eventually burst forth from my mouth will be coherent, intelligent, and applicable.  These are the goals, people.  In actuality, I'd consider it a personal win if I manage to make it through the entire encounter with no tears, plus or minus the correct diagnosis.  Sometimes you just GOTTA AIM HIGH. 

So that's my upcoming week in a nutshell.  Fortunately, the fear of Monday is making me forget about my written exams, so instead of worrying about those, I am just sitting in different places around my apartment, wringing my hands. 

And eating cupcakes.