So there hasn't been much to report around these parts lately. I've been trying to write a post on surgery, but it just isn't coming together. It's hodge podgy, and not in a good way. There's lots to say, but it just isn't bursting forth in the right way. If I can remedy that, then you can look forward to hearing more from me about rotation 7, surgery edition.
Mostly though, I have more or less acclimated to the swing of things once again, and only have a few weeks left to go. We've got a giant snow storm brewing outside, with predictions ranging from 4-24 inches. They aren't too good at pinning down exacts around here. What I do know is that unfortunately I will brave whatever is out there tomorrow because I have a Nissen Fundoplication surgery first thing in the morning and it's my first one. I shall be there no matter what!
I spent the weekend with JP in Bangor, Maine's second biggest city. It is right about halfway between Portland and Presque Isle, and also happens to be where I spent the first half of rotation 6 (in the ER). The long drive all the way to Portland is a little brutal for a two day weekend, and JP happened to have a ride, so we met up!
It's funny that this portion is rapidly turning into the hardest part of school thus far. It's hard in drastically different ways than the rest of the program has been, but really difficult nonetheless. It's the drag out portion, the last two months of bending over backwards for the world, and enduring long separations from my family. It's the tail end of my patience with having to forgo the parts of my life that I really enjoy, like biking and cooking, and having basically any interests outside of learning medicine. The past two years have flown by, but I feel kind of like I budgeted my life out for 22 months of hell and now I am existing in months 23 and 24 and it's not easy.
That sounds ungrateful, and I know it. I'm just tired. Over it all, not ready for the real world but simultaneously just ready to say EFF IT ALL, just bring it on already. But maybe that's the Elise-that-doesn't-have-a-job-yet talking. It's easy to say that I'm done with school, and infinitely harder to say I am ready for life. Cause the truth is that I am not ready, or at least I don't feel ready, and I don't know that I will be. I'm not sure anyone ever feels ready when launching themselves right out of a PA program, but I know I can't do much more of what I am doing now, so I might as well leap myself into the next phase. Sometimes I think 24 months is not nearly long enough, and other times I think thank god it's only 24 months, otherwise I would die. Maybe I am just circling back to the desperate weird time warp of the first summer semester. Full circle is a good sign, right? Right.
So, that's where I am at. Which means you get a random collection of unclear patterns and thoughts. I bounce from calm to clammy to elated. It's a freak show up in here.
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